So, I took this blog off all my info for a while. I wanted to feel like I could be a little be private. I am about to add it back to my facebook information. I have subject that is uncomfortable for most to talk about, but I feel I need to put it out there.
When I was a child, I was sexually abused. I will not reveal by whom, that is not important, I have been able to find forgiveness through God's strength. I will tell you, that does not mean that all memories are wiped away. In fact, my inability to block out some memories played a role in the marriage break-up. It was not the only thing, but it was a big thing.
I have decided, with the help of a Christian counselor, it is time to tackle those demons. It has not been easy. I have cried more than I ever have. I have even realized some of the things that the kids do bother me because of how it connects to these events in my past. I hate that there is even the smallest barrier between my kids and myself. In fact, I kind of pulled back from them while trying to deal with the past. Do I like to admit that? No, but it is the truth.
I want to let others know that God is bringing healing to my heart and life. I want to let them know, that I can be a support to them. I want others to know they are not alone in their pain and their grief. I don't know why I have suffered like I have in my life, personally, but I do know what God says about it. Romans 8:28 says that ALL things work together for good if you love God. His plan is for me to help others heal. I'm not sure why he chose me, but I am willing to reach out to them in their times of need.
I have been listening to my new CD, Beauty Will Rise by Steven Curtis Chapman and if he can take the loss of his precious little girl and reach out to others through that pain. I can take my pain, my past, my lessons learned and share them with others to help their healing.
I have spent the last year finding myself and I can tell you, I am nothing without Christ! Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! I have no strength of my own, I draw it from my life source!
