I almost passed this day by without realizing what it was. I mean, I realized a couple of weeks ago when my daughter told me she had a play this night, but today it wasn't until my brother said something about it that I realized what today was. It is a year since the divorce.
I must say I lost some unexpected things this year. I lost some weight, but gained some back and I'm working on losing again and this time for good! There was a person that was good to me, but in the craziness of trying to figure out the whole new life I had, something happened. I'm not exactly sure how it started, but that relationship crumbled quite quickly. I love that person, I miss that person, I forgive that person for the things done against me, as I'm pretty sure they also forgive me for the things on my part. The very sad thing is I am left with little to no ability to trust, so as much as I miss that person, I just can't mend that bridge right now.
I also have been given the opportunity to start new on so many levels. I have found an excellent new church. I have never felt so much at home and they have helped me break down the walls of judgment I learned to build. I don't find myself judging others like I used to (which was a lot). I also stopped judging myself. God is a God of love and that's what he wants me to feel from Him! I have found a new love for reading. I must say I have NEVER been a big fan of reading, but in the last year I have finished off at least a book a month, if not more. The really odd thing is I currently have 3 books I'm reading simultaneously and one waiting to be read (don't think I can handle more than 3). I have learned to love people I couldn't stand before as well, but that's only because I chose to get to know them better and stop judging them based on what others said about them.
I must say, I am a lot happier now, my kids are happier and I get the breaks I always needed and wanted. I have changed my priorities and my days off in accordance to that change. I put my kids ahead of anyone else and part of that is making sure I get them to church as well as have a night or two off where we can just spend time together. Sure, that isn't too friendly on the pocketbook, but I wouldn't trade it! I love Tuesdays! I also love Saturdays when I have them with me and we can make new memories.
Well, speaking of memories, my oldest has a school play tonight. I better get some rest so I can be awake enough to man the video camera!
Tuesday, November 09, 2010
Wednesday, November 03, 2010
Learning to Love
I have spent a lifetime so far having a misconception of the word LOVE. I have learned that it is super important to tell those you love that you love them. As one of my best friends goes through one of the roughest birthdays ever after having lost her mom to the same type of cancer that took my step-dad, I am telling her repeatedly that I love her. I don't want her to look around and think no one is there. I want her to know I am here, every step of the way, as much as I possibly can be. I got to hold her as she cried the other day and tell her then that I loved her and that God knows her pain and HE loves her too!
I cannot say for sure what has led to me having a better understanding of love. In fact, I don't think it could be pinpointed as just one or just a few things. It's the entirety of my life and my experiences that have brought me to this point. It is realizing that life is short and we need to make sure our loved ones know that they are loved. I am reading a book by Mary Beth Chapman called Choosing to SEE. For those who don't know who that is, she is Steven Curtis Chapman's wife and the mother to little Maria Chapman that died tragically in May 2008. It is a blessing to read and a reminder that even those we look at and think have all the time in the world (because they're so young) may not even have tomorrow.
Then I look at why I should love. The answer is simple, yet sometimes difficult to live out to others...because God loved me first. I look at the things that God has forgiven and say, "Wow, I've been forgiven of a lot." That helps me to forgive others and when I am forgiving of others, it is easier for me to love them. If I am going to hold bitterness in my heart, then it is going to be hard to love anyone. So, now, at nearly 30 years old, I am finally learning to love. Thank you Pastor Tom and the members of OHBC for showing me the love of God and teaching me to love others.
I cannot say for sure what has led to me having a better understanding of love. In fact, I don't think it could be pinpointed as just one or just a few things. It's the entirety of my life and my experiences that have brought me to this point. It is realizing that life is short and we need to make sure our loved ones know that they are loved. I am reading a book by Mary Beth Chapman called Choosing to SEE. For those who don't know who that is, she is Steven Curtis Chapman's wife and the mother to little Maria Chapman that died tragically in May 2008. It is a blessing to read and a reminder that even those we look at and think have all the time in the world (because they're so young) may not even have tomorrow.
Then I look at why I should love. The answer is simple, yet sometimes difficult to live out to others...because God loved me first. I look at the things that God has forgiven and say, "Wow, I've been forgiven of a lot." That helps me to forgive others and when I am forgiving of others, it is easier for me to love them. If I am going to hold bitterness in my heart, then it is going to be hard to love anyone. So, now, at nearly 30 years old, I am finally learning to love. Thank you Pastor Tom and the members of OHBC for showing me the love of God and teaching me to love others.
Wednesday, October 06, 2010
Sara Groves
I recently bought an album by her and I've loved listening to it. She's got to be at the top of my list of favorite artists right now. I have found a couple of songs that I really adore, they speak to me about relationships and how God can make you grow even through the toughest storms in life.
Tornado
Less Like Scars
God is leading me into true forgiveness and helping to heal the scars from my past! Our God is an AWESOME God!!
Tornado
Less Like Scars
God is leading me into true forgiveness and helping to heal the scars from my past! Our God is an AWESOME God!!
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Adoption
So, my eldest asked me to put in Steven Curtis Chapman's Beauty Will Rise while we were on the way to school earlier this week. This has been a great CD to start many discussions with her, between talking of death and the need for a Saviour to discussing adoption and how an adoptive parent chooses to love that child even though the child doesn't have their blood running through his or her veins. This also led to a discussion on how Jesus dying on the cross made it possible for God to adopt us as children. I really love how she is not afraid to ask questions and I must remember to never be afraid to answer them.
Adoption is an amazing thing! I have a friend who is currently going through her third attempt at adopting. She and her husband tried to have kids, but when they realized that wasn't going as they'd hoped, they opened their hearts up to the idea of adoption. Sadly, the first two attempts ended in the birth mothers changing their minds. This was very painful for my friend and her husband. They never met the first, but did take the second little girl home and love her and take care of her for 2 weeks, at which time the birth mother called and told them she had changed her mind. They will forever love that little girl. It's just the kind of people they are! This 3rd child is a boy, they are nearing the 2 week mark, which I'm sure is scary. This 3rd case has played out very differently though and we all have hope that this is THEIR son! They love him like it was their blood flowing through his veins! That's the way it ought to be. That is the way that God loves us.
Then that brings up the subject of biological and non-biological children. There is something I will never get. How can a parent turn their back on their child? How can they say (either with words or with actions) they don't care for that child? I know I have my moments of frustration when I want to pull my hair out, but I will never turn my back on my children! No, it's not easy raising kids, especially one with special needs, but I didn't sign up for easy when I decided to have kids. I signed up to love them, any/all of them with all my heart! Have I always been the best at showing this? No, but God is teaching me the ways I need to improve and giving me a high five when he sees I've done it right!
So, praise the Lord, I am adopted into the family of God! Praise the Lord for Jesus Christ's shed blood that washes away my sin and makes me white as snow!
Adoption is an amazing thing! I have a friend who is currently going through her third attempt at adopting. She and her husband tried to have kids, but when they realized that wasn't going as they'd hoped, they opened their hearts up to the idea of adoption. Sadly, the first two attempts ended in the birth mothers changing their minds. This was very painful for my friend and her husband. They never met the first, but did take the second little girl home and love her and take care of her for 2 weeks, at which time the birth mother called and told them she had changed her mind. They will forever love that little girl. It's just the kind of people they are! This 3rd child is a boy, they are nearing the 2 week mark, which I'm sure is scary. This 3rd case has played out very differently though and we all have hope that this is THEIR son! They love him like it was their blood flowing through his veins! That's the way it ought to be. That is the way that God loves us.
Then that brings up the subject of biological and non-biological children. There is something I will never get. How can a parent turn their back on their child? How can they say (either with words or with actions) they don't care for that child? I know I have my moments of frustration when I want to pull my hair out, but I will never turn my back on my children! No, it's not easy raising kids, especially one with special needs, but I didn't sign up for easy when I decided to have kids. I signed up to love them, any/all of them with all my heart! Have I always been the best at showing this? No, but God is teaching me the ways I need to improve and giving me a high five when he sees I've done it right!
So, praise the Lord, I am adopted into the family of God! Praise the Lord for Jesus Christ's shed blood that washes away my sin and makes me white as snow!
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Living Life with an Out of Sync Child
So, I have struggled with this disorder from day one with little bit. She is a doll baby, but was definitely different from the get-go. There were many nights I got calls at work about her screaming for hours, there was the delayed motor skills, the fact that tickling didn't rile her, but it relaxed her. She hated being on her belly for a very long time, plus the first several times I touched her bare feet to grass she screamed bloody murder. Come to find out, this was all a part of a condition she was born with called Sensory Processing Disorder. Today, you barely notice a thing wrong with her. You can tell her speech, but on a good day you would never guess what is going on inside her body. The mixed messages, the troubles coping, the balance struggles. It just is not a "normal" life for her and may never be what any of us would consider normal.
So, after much time, debating whether to use the internet in this way, I ordered an informative book on the condition called "The Out of Sync Child" as well as its companion book, "Growing an In Sync Child." I've just received them, so I haven't gotten much past evaluating your child, but I really anticipate expanding my knowledge and being able to help little bit cope better. Nights like last night, when I had to swaddle a toddler and hold her tight while whispering calming words in her ear, they really bring it home. She was not having an "in sync" day.
So, after much time, debating whether to use the internet in this way, I ordered an informative book on the condition called "The Out of Sync Child" as well as its companion book, "Growing an In Sync Child." I've just received them, so I haven't gotten much past evaluating your child, but I really anticipate expanding my knowledge and being able to help little bit cope better. Nights like last night, when I had to swaddle a toddler and hold her tight while whispering calming words in her ear, they really bring it home. She was not having an "in sync" day.
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